Me, Three years ago…

As I flipped through my folders today, I came across this short piece I wrote early morning on Christmas day 2014. Here goes my unedited insomniac mind then…

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NOT YET CHRISTMAS…

Its 01:46am. Today is Christmas day, but is it? The night is calm and silent, only my neighbor’s dog is barking, at nothing, probably to keep itself warm because again, it is cold. Am seated on a table in my room, it is not even balanced, one of its ‘legs’ broke some years ago and nobody has bothered to replace it. I just might be the only person awake in this whole village at this hour. Am looking for Christmas.

Am well aware this is about Christ. Many Biblical scholars have disputed this date but it bothers me little, after all the date suits the time of the year and it’s just a birth date! Am looking for the excitement on people’s faces, its non-existent. The jumpy kids? Nothing. The hullabaloo and the frenzy in the village? Nothing. The village duka running out of soda? They are still gathering dust, I wonder if they have an expiry date.

So many friends have sent me Merry Christmas wishes on text. Some I have replied some I have not. Am not excited about anything. I hope the sun rises with a new gift for me. There is so much not to write home about now. There are people I wish I treated differently, some I wish I dint treat at all. The year is old and the child is born and time is gone. An important lesson I have learnt is that you cannot join the dots looking forward because you do not know where each is supposed to lie. You live the days as they come then some day you will look back and everything will make sense.

Patiently I wait for the morning. There is a he goat gazing its last into darkness. The next time it closes its eyes, it will be gone, dead. At times I wonder if animals have feeling like humans. Think of it, if a goat had the chance to eat meat, am nine times sure it would go for human flesh, slaughter a bouncer, hang them on a tree then roast them and sit around crates of soft and non-soft drinks and wish the holiday away. (Disclaimer: am not idle).

Am yet to see a Christmas. And I look forward to the next one and hope it’s going to be more exciting, of course, another goat will go down and the crates of drinks will pass around, peace still. Critical lesson of the year; if you live each day as if it was your last, someday you will most certainly be right – Steve Jobs. I dint live today like it was my last, so I can hope for tomorrow?

****

Today, I know better. I know that my life has not been left to chance. I live by faith. For faith alone has made me whole and new, I have greater hope beyond a holiday. Hope of a life spent with my Lord and savior.

Today, I am no where close to what I thought my tomorrow would be then. How lowly my thoughts were! Thanks be to God for His Grace. ‘Tis mercy all let earth adore and angel minds inquire no more.

Am still insomniac though… 🙂

 

 

 

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